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Arden Raine is an ex-theatrical making sense of life through many lenses.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Not the post You were expecting

So four weeks ago my mom died. Two days before Mother's day. You all know how that day has been for me historically.

Today's post isn't about that.

It's not about how in the last 4 weeks every aspect of my life has imploded in some fashion.

It's not going to be about my incestuous half brother who's doing 30 years in prison for hurting his daughter the same way he did me. (I'll unpack that later as well as my mom's stuff. Just not now.)

It's not about the death of  man who mentored both me and my husband a week later.  But this is a bit about that.

This post isn't about the illness, aggravation,  depression,  grieving, loss, anger, idiocy, frustration that has weighted me down to the point of breaking in the last 6 weeks.  Because I haven't.

This post is about the friend who reached out about her suicidal thoughts. Who reached out after she was supported and safe to hold others up.

This post is about bravery.

In a friend reaching up while reaching down. I see you Jenni!! ❤❤

The joy of watching another friend be brave enough to dream and make it realized.  Go Shawn!!!!

It's about the beautiful bravery of a man dying of cancer and his living family sharing that journey. His journey as he had shared so many things with all of us kids he mentored. Don't think that the night you and your wife came to my door and dragged me to dinner when I hadn't eaten in a week didn't change my whole world. There was before the McCreary's and after.

This post is not about my anxiety and fear and doubts.  But of all the folks who have let me rant, cry and fume over my life these last few weeks. Thank you guys!

It's about me being able to stop and worry about others and laugh with folks who share their tragedy is comedy moments.
Sunny you win. Groundhogs running over your feet will always win.

This post is about my gratitude to so many of you.  To the choices you all make to be beautiful in your own life messes.

To support others not tear them down.

This post is about life being lead well.
It's about healthy boundries with toxic people.

It's for those folks who constantly are my rocks and I in return I love to be there for them. Kim is is especially for you... I love each and every one of you!

Life is too fucking short.

Live it kindly. Live it fully. Dream. Do. Fail. Be a mess. Talk about it all. For the love of all things holy. Talk about all the bits. The good. Bad. Ugly.  Secrets rot and fester and kill joy, passion, will to live.

A week ago I wasn't sure if I would make it through one more minute of the badness. I thought I'd break in half if one more bad thing...

Not one, or two but a flood more came knocking. But here I am focused on the good shit. The good folks. I am focused on how fucking lucky I am. How much love I have built around myself by being only willing to let folks who really love me surround me.
I am willing to trust. I am willing to be excited.

So I plan on dreaming a bit myself. And for once in my life not being afraid that the world will crush those dreams. So what if they fail? No big deal. I get to dream again and again and again.

And I want you guys, especially you my biddy hen friend 💗🍷💄, along for the ride.

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